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THE
Tales
from the corridor of uncertainty Thankful for small mercies…
INSIDE…
Contact the magazine that noticed Sergeant Wilson batting right-handed
and bowling left-handed in “The Test” via e-mail andrewburman_840@hotmail.com
or mobile 07802-788424 Read about The Gents on www.gowlcc.org.uk 2005
GWLCC AGM Waggon
and Horses, Some gems amid a
year of transition Not even the most ardent The absence of a strike bowler for all bar two games was felt, though Husain, Sanjay Patel, Sciberras (top of the wickets list with 18) and Jim Wright were economical and sometimes penetrative. Stuart Snelling took The Gents’ only four-wicket haul (Dhruv Patel’s bizarre 4-57 came when on loan to Sunderland SC). Tony Buck, Graham Butt, Dhruv, Hemin and Ketan Patel were less consistent, going for five plus an
over, though each had at least one excellent spell. Tony Buck and Hemin Patel (7 each) took most catches in a year of outcricket that was patchy but, as at In the high summer, The Gents were often very good indeed, but the only early season success came in the 1-run nailbiter against Pak, impressively achieved without the Captain. An unbeaten club record fourth-wicket stand of 127 between Husain and Sanjay Patel at Berrylands kick-started an impressive run of scores, the only blips being New Barbarian Weasels at home and West XI away, the latter game actually won, by tight bowling (led by Mr. Snelling on a brief return from Brazil) and fielding. True, The Gents were unable to defend 180-plus scores in the second Pak game and at Brondesbury Casuals but the run gluts in both games had an epic quality and several players thought the latter (agonisingly lost by 3 wickets off the fifth ball of the final possible over in a 40 over game) the best of the year. It was certainly up there with the first Pak and second West X encounters. But to offset these spectaculars, there were dismal collapses against the ever-sociable London Saints (twice), Jay Bharat, New Barbarian Weasels, Salix and, statistically at least, the worst of the lot, 60 all out at home to West XI. It was common in the post mortems to plead for more settled batting orders, but that is easier said than done when several top batters are only able to play half the games.
It was at first hard to adjust to the absence of Ryon Derriman, Bill Flack, Stuart Snelling and Wayne Thompson, but as the Captain rightly said there was nothing wrong with the teams The Gents did field, it was just that several players did not do themselves justice. Indeed, proven matchwinners Tony Buck, Richard Gilkes, Justin Norcott, Dhruv Patel, Ken Toft and Jim Wright had quiet seasons by their own august standards. In any case, new arrivals do not want to hear about how superior their predecessors supposedly were. There was ebb and flow in the squad, a fact of cricketing life at every level, and new players Graham Butt, Hemin Patel, Paul Turpin and eternal standby Ketan Patel fitted in and played well. A total of 34 players was used, two up on 2004 but 14 down on the mix and match 2003 campaign. Full sides were fielded every week, impressive as the virile Messrs. Gilkes, Patel (S), Turpin and Wright had new anklebiter commitments to juggle. It is difficult to pitch exactly where The Gents are in the
evolutionary cycle. Stuart Snelling will be returning
to The club must address the question of its home venue. Only one game could be played at Old Tenisonians CC due to rain, while Victoria RG was capricious and at times dangerous. Though one objectionist referred to “a lot of unhappy members” after the admittedly difficult Salix game, and there were the usual barbs from a tightly-knit group of politically motivated men in another place, the spirit was positive and Chairman Gilkes organised several sociable trips to the Oval. Finally, the club website has attracted very positive comment. The photos are a superb innovation and the message board served its purpose as a debating forum, at least once Bill Flack briskly reported that interloping marketing company to the FBI. It was the innovation of the year. 2005 Honours Board – a batsman’s summer
Meltdown in Greenford Two tough away trips at season’s end proved a bridge too far for The Gents. A quirk of the BAMC is that West XI have two home games out of three, though if three were played at Surbiton it would probably be 0-3 every year. Whatever, The Gents did not give of their best in the blustery 2005 finale and were comfortably beaten as the hosts completed their finest ever season. Their tally of 18 wins from 23 matches equals that of 1992, when 25 fixtures were played, so the percentage of victories in 2005 was the best in the history of the club. They had previously won the Lord Nelson Cup (a shame the powerful Urban Associates were banned) so may be said to have completed a cup and cup double. The epicentre of much recent bother, Mr. A. Robinson (whose hot air emissions have done so much to accelerate global warming), was very sweet and well behaved. Season 18 ended in Greenford with The Gents playing Kwik Cricket, as copyrighted in the Blunder Years and honed in 2005 at points of the compass from Battersea in the South to Berkhamsted in the North. The game was lost but of more significance was the apocalyptic meltdown of the club’s administration, an aspect of which it has been rightly proud over the years, whatever has gone on on the pitch. After the game, Secretary Andrew Burman was heard to say that he would “rather be convulsed with bird flu than go through that again.” The problems started when 12 Gents pitched up, the constitution of the team being uncertain even on the Sunday morning. That is by no means a rarity (though perhaps it should be) but usually an accommodation can be sought with the opposition, but since it then transpired that The Gents had no kit (left in Berkhamsted as the club had a Will Hay moment) and could not even supply a pair of match balls, Captain Sanjay rightly deemed it impolitic to grovel for a 12-a-side game with the Salix skipper. The result was that poor Justin Norcott had his afternoon wasted. He took it well but the Secretary would like to repeat the private apology offered to Justin. It is hoped that the several pints of bitter beer with which the apology was reinforced made partial amends. Neil Hadfield
(12 Angry Men) writes… Last week I sent a
cheque for £500 to Macmillan Cancer Relief on behalf of The Twelve Angry Men
Cricket Club and Friends, in memory of Miles Whitehead.
Paul Stein on behalf of MCR replied with the following: “On behalf of Macmillan Cancer
Relief, thank you for raising the fantastic total of £500 in memory of Miles
Whitehead. Please accept our deepest condolences at your loss and kindly pass
on our thanks and best wishes to The bowler from Ipanema writes… I am sorry to be missing this year’s A.G.M. I have kept in touch with Gents’ current affairs mostly by email and via the Queen’s Internet so I only have a few comments to offer. Venue: After years supporting the use of Victoria RG
as a home ground, I think we have to accept that it is just not up to scratch
anymore. Short of somehow persuading Kit: I find it disgraceful that the kit was left at Berkhamsted. Yet again, the issue of who looks after the kit is not addressed properly and it is left to two or three players the whole season. The general attitude of the membership towards the kit is just not good enough. I would suggest strongly that a kit rota is devised each week when the team is announced. In other words, each week we identify one or two players who have cars and who are playing the following week to be responsible for taking the kit home and bringing it the following week. I appreciate this is not viable for those who come by train, bus or taxi to matches. If the person nominated on the kit rota cannot then fulfil his duties for whatever reason, that person must take individual responsibility for finding a substitute. In this age of mobile phones and email, I cannot imagine that this would be too difficult. I would go as far as having a kit inventory at the start of each new season which is checked on two occasions during the season. Perhaps we should appoint a Kit Manager at the A.G.M.? Website: Scibo should be commended for
this excellent piece of work, which is highly professional and beats all oppo websites hands down. In light of my comments on the
kit, may I suggest that the mobile phone numbers and email addresses of the
membership are published on the website to facilitate better intra-team
communications? Controversy reigns as ICC picks its team Desperate to regain credibility after the less than bothered
performances by its World XI in Australia in October (how much greater
commitment was shown by the 1970 RoW side who visited
England, though they did have a full tour to acclimatise),
the ICC has picked its team to play The Gents in a one-off six day Test at
Victoria RG, Surbiton in April 2006. Only one player
per Gent oppo is allowed, so controversially there
are no places for Bhavesh Vyas,
Chrisses Dane and Wright or Pak’s Shahid
Mahmood, who scored an untroubled 81 not out against
The Gents in July and could probably still be batting. Instead
his blistering all-rounder team-mate Fawad makes the
cut on the strength of his awesome ton v. NBWCC. Performances against
The Gents games were a significant factor, so Wayne Thompson, who did not play
for London Rams in July, could not be considered. The team bats deep but
perhaps lacks a bit of searing pace though with the spinners expected to do the
bulk of the work this is not seen as a problem.
Game 18: Berkhamsted
CC, Sunday, 11 September. West XI won toss. Misty and showery, 17° Beggars
swoop in the mist
In sepulchral light, mist and rain The Gents played to below their potential in the deciding Bob Ashton Memorial Cup match. That might be enough to beat some teams on the circuit but certainly not this focused, talented Beggar outfit who romped to a deserved win with overs and wickets galore to spare. Though a disappointment to players and supporters, however, it is difficult to write a harsh match report. Atrocious conditions obtained, but they were the same for both sides and this was a grand occasion, greatly enlivened by the warm hospitality of the host club and the humour of Dave Laing, who, in the absence of Mr. Bender, held his hands up, manfully supplying quips and wisecracks. So, for the third successive year, the noble old trophy goes to West XI, equalling their 1990-1992 record, though still a few Gent batting collapses short of The Gents’ golden summers of 1993-1997. The simple facts of the game are that once again, The Gents’ batsmen failed to build on a promising start or, perhaps more pertinently, were not allowed to. The Beggar all-seam attack was remorseless, though all credit to Jim and HP, who laid good foundations before the burly stumper holed out to square-leg Blackmore in Dane’s wild first over. Scibo edged to a juggling Hill at slip off Wright, who soon had his namesake caught behind by Robinson. Husain, Dhruv and the fawn bejacketed Sanjay shone all too briefly, though there were some sublime shots in this period of play, Dhruv lofting Wright for a straight sixer, the only one of the innings, before slicing to Walton at point. At 83/4 with 11 overs left, and Husain and the skip at the crease, the foundations were there for a competitive if, truth be told, probably not match-winning 150 total, but West XI had other ideas, Bhatt bowling the both of them. Dane then came back and the innings went into quick freefall. Buck did his best to shepherd the tail, but Justin fell bowled, Turpin caught and bowled, Hemin daftly run out by Taylor having been called to the danger end before Buck himself propped up another c&b to Dane, six wickets gone in 38 balls and only 33 added. It was bitterly disappointing but soon players and fans were tucking into tea in the warm clubhouse and hooray for that. In July The Gents had the edge in catching – now the roles
were to be reversed. West XI put their best five all-rounders
one to five in the order, with the result that four chaps neither batted nor
bowled, though like invisible sitcom characters such as Miss Cathcart and
Elizabeth Mainwaring, several were vital for plot development. This tough
stance paid handsome dividends, hard though The Gents fought in the ninety
brief minutes of the innings. Vyas was dropped
several times before the game Hemin clung on at point
but after that not one of six chances was taken, though all bar one was a
toughie. Wright and Taylor went for their shots and limited what Sanjay could
so tactically. He was further handicapped by Dhruv’s
inability to grip the new ball (one was agreed per innings) and Husain’s inability to keep his feet. Be it here recorded
that there were top spells for the skipper and Scibo,
though runs came freely at the other end throughout. A margin of nine wickets
would have been harsh so it is a pleasure to be able to record Graham Butt’s
first wicket in this series – a pearler to see off
Wright – though So many times have these old rivals crossed bats that there are no original plots left. This game was a repeat of the deciding leg in 1990, the first year of the BAMC and fought for the original trophy, scandalously lost by then Beggar captain Charles Arthur some years after. The two sides pitched up in gale and rain at Warren Farm and West XI won by nine wickets. Gents; †Denton 13, Wright 34, Sciberras 0, Husain 18, D Patel
16, *S Patel 8, Buck 9, Norcott 0, Turpin 2, H Patel
0, Butt 0 not out, Extras 16, 116
all out (30.2 overs) FoW; 43, 51, 57, 83, 101, 106, 108, 110, 114, 116 Bowling;
Catches; Dane 2, Blackmore 1, Hill 1, Robinson 1, Walton 1 West XI (won toss); Vyas
20, Taylor 41 not out, *Wright 37, Dane 0 not out, N Bhatt, S Rennie, P Walton, G Blackmore, †A
Robinson, P Hill and D Laing dnb,
Extras 20, 117 for 2 (23.2 overs) FoW; 30, 106 Bowling; Catches; H Patel 1 Lost by 8 wickets Game 19: GSK Sports Club,
Greenford, Sunday, 18 September. Salix won toss. Cloudy, 16° Gloom
in Greenford as season ends on downbeat note
The Gents fought hard in the field but were unable to end the topsy-turvy 2005 season with a win in a game that was typical of much of the campaign. Once more they failed to bat 35 overs (on a good pitch), 46 balls remaining unbowled when Jacobs bowled Paul Turpin and once more they fell a good measure short of a par score. Salix tinkered with their batting order and good Gents bowling made steady inroads before the powerful Rayner steered the hosts home with plenty of overs in hand. The match stared a little late but before the first over was
bowled Sanjay assembled all of his troops bar Buck for a pep talk. To this
writer, his comments about the bulk of the teams’s
commitment at Berkhamsted were unfair but he called
it as he saw it. Job done, Buck was bowled ball four. Gilkes
and Wright hit five good boundaries before the chairman picked out square-leg.
Wright then holed out off the fourth ball bowled by the slow left-armer Ellis and when Dhruv copped
an lbw off a low full-toss The Gents were in the mire at 30/4. The pacy, slingy Lumsden
enabled The counterattacking Sciberras/Sanjay Patel stand at least saved the innings from unmitigated disaster. It only lasted half an hour but it gave the visitors a glimmer of hope, hope that was dashed when Sciberras fell, also bowled Lumsden. A rare duck from Toft meant that Gents had lost seven wickets in 20 overs. Things were looking dicey. Not for the first time, Hill batted well with the skipper, whose valiant 32 (five fours) at least saw him to 300 runs for the season before Rayner took his third catch at long-on of the innings off the spin of Chaganti, who soon bowled Hill. A few minutes later and it was all up at 93 all out. As tea had been ordered for precisely a quarter to four (the expectation being that a side could bat its overs) and it was now only two minutes to three, Salix’s Dr. Fletcher, announced that play “will recommence in eight minutes.” Sitting in the GSK media centre, Your Correspondent noted that the mid-innings break was actually twelve minutes. Not on. In the ten overs pre-tea, Gents did rather well, the skipper trapping Dyson fifth ball and Hill bowling Henig with the seventh. The score inched along before Dhruv was introduced, two fours and another lbw, this time of Hewitt, saw the match well balanced, Salix 30/3 off 11 overs. After egg and salad sandwiches on Happy Shopper white sliced in the funereal clubhouse, battle was rejoined and lo and behold Dhruv bowled the adhesive Spillane in the 15th. over. But that was it for a while as Rayner (whose first scoring shot was a sixer off Buck) and Ellis moved quickly on. Sciberras bowled Ellis but Kulasingam worked the ball around well as Rayner began to find the boundary. Backward square-leg Dhruv Patel brilliantly ran out Kulasingam, 77/6. Only four runs were required when Lumsden was smartly caught Sciberras at deep mid-on off the returning skipper and Rayner punched the winning boundary two overs later. The performance was not without its good points, but oh for a few more runs, the story of the season. Salix just deserved to win, but The Gents’ fightback was at least worthy of the shirt. The Gents then retired en masse to the Bridge Hotel, a fantastically seedy roadhouse, to chew the fat on a statistically unprepossessing but occasionally inspiring season. Gents; Buck 0, Gilkes 15,
Wright 11, D Patel 2, Denton 0, Sciberras 11, *S
Patel 32, Toft 0, Hill 10, †Turpin 0, Butt 0
not out, Extras 11, 93 all
out (27.1 overs) FoW; 0, 25, 28, 30, 35, 65, 66, 87, 91, 93 Bowling; Kulasingam 1-14, Jacobs 2-25, Ellis 1-33, Lumsden
4-12, Chaganti 3-1-3-2 Catches; Rayner
3, Lumsden 1 Salix (won toss); Spillane
11, Dyson 0, Henig 1, Hewitt 14, Rayner
33 not out, Ellis 7, Kulasingam 8, Lumsden 6, Chaganti 0 not out,
Fletcher and Spillane dnb,
Extras 14, 94 for 7 (26.5 overs) FoW; 1, 2, 30, 36, 59, 77, 90 Bowling; S Patel 2-18, Hill 1-3, Buck 0-18, D Patel 2-15, Sciberras 1-6, Wright 0-14, Butt 0-9 Catches; Sciberras
1 Lost by 3 wickets 2005
Also played (1 game): A Harris 1/10/10, 4-1-23-2, C Wright 1/1/0/25, 8-1-27-3, C Naish 1/2/0/1, D Wilson 1/1/0/7, J Robson 1/1/0/16, N Patel 1/1/0/0, 3-0-9-1 (1 ct.), P Patel 1/-/-/-, R Bailey 1/1/0/26, S Mathias 1/1/0/1, 2-0-7-2, T Haddow-Allen 1/1/0/15, 7-2-14-2 (1 ct.), W Thompson 1/1/0/25, 7-3-16-0 Autumn quiz on the vintage ’81
harvest The Gent has been quiet on the regaining of the
Ashes, for several reasons. There is little a magazine like this can add to the
superb cricket played by both sides. Furthermore, one is uneasy about the triumphalism of the celebrations among cricket parvenus,
who probably do not realise that the urn will be up for grabs again in 2006/7.
Defeat then will see all these Johnny Come Lately’s
putting their We do, however, have a quiz question for you, inspired by
Mr. Buck. Name the 1981 England Ashes players who captained Websites which tell it like it
is No.1 www.cheshamunited.com Due to
miserable bastards (and me not being bothered anymore) cheshamunited.com has been closed. Er, been talking to one or two people, mate Excellent to hear from Mr. Ashton, the first call in a while, though one capable of worrying interpretation. The opening sentence was “Here mate, Marty (*) got married. Sorry I haven’t let you know before but I’ve had lodsa people to tell as obviously I was the only one invited.” One then underwent a spot of turmoil. Had he actually married his old mucker? If so, how would this square with the great Ashtonian boast that he has “never done anyone older than 25”? However, it became clear that his meaning was ‘Of our old crowd of cronies the groom and his bethrothed naturally saw fit only to invite me, as I am a more fit and proper person than you, and I am now letting you in on the news.’ We therefore congratulate Marty and his new wife, “a Sri Lankan bird who was actually bloody nice” being the nearest Mark got to a name. Marty will be high on the list when it comes to selecting the teams for the club’s 20th. anniversary weekend in 2008, as of course will MWH Ashton. (*) Ian “Marty” Renvoize, a popular if unconventional Gents player from 1989 to 1995: 38 games, 172 runs at 7.2, 1 wicket, 5 catches. Finest Gents’ Moment turning up to game with paint-flecked cricket “greys” tucked in to old plastic shopping bag. Greetings from tour hosts – 2006 ahoy! Good
news. The wonderful Mr. Brian Susman, Captain of
Bedouins CC, has confirmed that his side will host The Gents in 2006 (see
below). We’ll keep late August free and work around the dates in the spring.
Salix have also renewed, on the equivalent Sunday to 2005, 17 September. Let’s
try to bring some kit along next time. Strongroom CC have also asked for a fixture. Though they could not raise a
side in 2003, they seem more organised now and play Saturdays at the beautiful
Highgate Woods ground. Could be a goer, check them out on www.strongroomcc.com and be prepared to
discuss at the A.G.M. Greetings
from a wet and windy
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