THE GENT

 

October 2003

No. 88

 

Tales from the corridor of uncertainty

 

Ancient monument destroyed by vandals

 

 

Marauding Beggars go on the rampage in Hertfordshire after 3-0 win

 

INSIDE…

 

·        Brave young Gents fail narrowly at Berko ·        Ling’s Gold Star wind-ups ·        Season wrap-up ·        Alex Bell lashes out at 12 Angry Men ·        Final results and averages ·        2004 funding proposal ·        1921 – not all that, Mr. Townshend ·        Match reports Brondesbury Casuals (lost by 3 wickets) West XI (Bob Ashton Memorial Cup) (lost by 11 runs) Allstars/Beggars reports on Gents tussles ·        Readers’ letters and several poems

 

“…er, I’ve been talking to one or two people, mate, and the problem seems to be we bloody lack someone to hold the bloody innings together, like, er, me…“ (Sir Harvey Wynford-Benson, 2003)

Sanjay starts to rebuild

 

The Berkhamsted defeat was the twelfth of the campaign, the most ever; while six wins was the fewest since 1990, when only nine games were played. Statistically, therefore, a strong case could be made for 2003 being the worst ever Gents’ season, but to this writer at least it did not feel like that for much of the time, particularly once Captain Sanjay Patel sorted out the disciplinary problems in the club in July. Let nobody say he is frightened of tough decisions.

 

The consensus is that there are a lot of good things going on in The Gents, with some able, keen and above all reliable and personable young players coming on-stream. It has been difficult for them, in that it would have been preferable to introduce them gradually into a winning team, but that has not been possible for reasons discussed here several times over the summer. Instead, they have been thrown into the deep end and to their credit are beginning to thrive, though they have some big boots to fill. The club perhaps needs two more batsmen, a skilled wicket-keeper and another bowler, but to this observer there does not seem to be too much wrong with the players in the current squad that a little more experience and encouragement would not put right. We hope that in 2004 more involvement and responsibility is given to the likes of Justin Norcott, the Lewises, Doug Yates, Faraz Sherwani and the potentially great Nabeel Husain, in support of the Patels, Snarler, Swiss, Silver Fox, Scibo and Eddie (of whom we hope to see more in 2004).

 

The club entered 2003 with a new Captain and Vice-Captain, both elected in controversial circumstances at the 2002 A.G.M., plus a new Treasurer, the club’s first female officer, Patricia Langley. Sanjay Patel and Mark Sciberras expended considerable energy doing their jobs and though Mark did not score as many runs as he would have liked, his own form held up well. Sanjay’s actually improved and he led from the front in many games with bat and ball. Off the field, too, he was efficient and decisive. The former Captain, Stuart Snelling, bowled as well as ever and provided unconditional support to the team, demonstrating true leadership even after losing the Captaincy. “Ingratitude towards their great men is the mark of strong peoples,” wrote Greek biographer and moralist Plutarch (46AD-120AD), in a prescient comment on the 2002 A.G.M. He also said “To find a fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.” Sanjay never found fault, but certainly struggled to improve things with the resources he had, though to his great credit he never bemoaned this fact, and was apt to be sharp when reminded how strong the batting had often been in recent seasons.

 

The biggest problem was lack of continuity. The Gents fielded 48 players in 2003, a record. That may speak eloquently of the contacts the club now has but during the unparalleled run of success between 1993 and 1997, the maximum used was 33 and the minimum (in 1997) just 26. This does not seem to be a non-causal relationship. The club is very grateful for guests’ support though (without them several games could not have been fulfilled) for as the weddings happen and the children come along, the regulars tend to play less. Ominously, James Lewis and Helen Norcott were seen studying curtain brochures in the Hertfordshire sunshine, to the consternation of both brother Chris and Snarler.

 

The 2003 Gents actually outscored their opponents (2,588 runs to 2,582) and scored more fifties (seven to six) but it is the wickets column that speaks volumes. Gents batsmen lost 9.2 wickets per game, their opponents only 7.9, a significant differentiator over a season. Only five times did The Gents bat the full 35 overs, winning three of those games, tieing one and losing one narrowly to a powerful Weasels XI. The batting was clearly a problem for most of the season (the Patels and, when available, Bignell, Husain and Vyas aside), but the bowling was pretty good and the fielding and catching improved. In fact, the 70 catches in a season is a club record, and up 25 on the paltry 2002 tally of 45.There were obvious exceptions to this synopsis (the out-cricket in the final overs at Gunnersbury Park, for example) but it generally held true. In passing, let it be noted that most opponents were stronger than in recent years, even Sunderland, whose results were poor but who have now found some youthful players to support their grizzled seniors.

 

Only three batsmen, the Patels and Bhavesh Vyas, notched 200 runs, though Nabeel Husain would have but for his sojourn in Saudi Arabia. Most other batsmen underperformed. Buck, Fitch, Gilkes, the Lewises, Norcott, Sciberras and Snelling all had their moments, but scored just 714 runs in 90 combined innings. Sanjay produced 385 in 17! It was interesting that the best knocks by James Lewis and Justin Norcott came at Berkhamsted, hard on the heels of midweek net practice – a lesson there perhaps. The variable home wickets may have contributed to the malaise, but let’s not forget that sides batting first at Surbiton produced some big scores. One cannot, however, be too critical of a side who had to make do without the likes of Ashton, Boddington, Jones, Minhas and Wright from recent seasons and whose spirit remained intact. Young sides are by their nature inconsistent. There was more to praise in the bowling; for the first time since 1997, no oppo innings reached 200. Sanjay took most wickets (28), though he went for four an over. Snarler and Eddie were was tight. Buck came on leaps and bounds and Scibo and Dhruv were steady, though the latter was apt to become disheartened when under fire. Sometimes the support bowling was hammered, but that is a fact of life.

 

Finally, let us praise the 2003 Beggars – a man named Wright mullering the attacks, new players gelling instantly – sounds like another side three years ago. They had an excellent season, ending up in credit at 11-8 despite losing the first four games. Perhaps one day Mr. Wright will write a book on how he did it. It would become a classic in the shelf of books on management techniques.

Young Gents defiant in defeat

 

A youthful Gents side produced a display at Berko which just oozed passion and pride in the shirt, but it was not quite enough, West XI proceeding to a narrow, 11-run victory, which they just about deserved. It was, therefore, a 0-3 Beggarwash, the first one since 1991. As they did at Surbiton and Gunnersbury Park, West XI won the toss, batted, survived the loss of early wickets and posted a commanding total with late acceleration. For Chris Dane and Chris Wright/Steve Bignell in the first two games read Paul Carter in the third, the amiable Aussie’s 56 (in his last game for the club) proving the match-winner. The Gents were in the game when Dhruv Patel was batting with Justin Norcott and the impressive Nabeel Husain, but lost wickets at vital times. Then, at the last, when the matter looked beyond them and in poor light, the tail fought like demons. Snarler’s defiant 32 set the scene before James Lewis and Faraz Sherwani posted 43 for the tenth wicket, a record for either side in this series. They fell just short but it was yet another Berkhamsted classic (if not quite as close as 2002), thoroughly enjoyed by players and spectators alike. Mark Sciberras, captaining for the first time, did his best and enjoyed the experience, describing it as a very proud moment in his life. Absent skipper Sanjay, on holiday in Morocco, was rightly proud of the performance. That’s 1,043 runs in three exciting Berko clashes now. Long may they run.

 

It was a curiously moving day. Patsy Langley kindly lit a candle in Bob Ashton’s memory at a church service in Kristansand, Norway. Our thoughts are with gentle Tommy Banter, recovering from illness. He enjoyed his day out and his barking seal laugh echoed around the Chilterns all day, causing some consternation to the sheep. Thanks also to Dave Laing for minicab duties. Steve Haywood, recovering from a Dungbeatles gig, could not make it, but Wynford Benson-Harvey, the 69th. Earl of Durham, made a brief appearance, flying down in his helicopter, signing autographs and handing out fivers to the needy of the parish. The match’s delayed start time sadly deprived him of a chance to see its exciting conclusion, for he is not yet qualified for night-flying, but he could take solace from his own recent sporting performances, the highlight of which was a home win against Frank Gallagher at fishing (“I caught some of the biggest chub the River Tees has ever f***ing seen, mate”). It was the end of the season and Andrew Burman foolishly tried to raise the tone in the post-match awards ceremony by reading a couple of verses from “Cricket on the Hearth,” for which he was heartily barracked by Mr. Buck.

 

 

Silverling Services resumed

 

There was much media interest in the traditional West XI contest to wind up The Gents, won by Phil Hill until 1999, whereafter Andy Robinson had enjoyed an uninterrupted run of success. In the absence of these two, the award was contested in 2003 between two BT employees, Keyboard Hero Phil Walton and Gresham Street security guard Mr. Ling. Phil was disqualified for posting an anonymous message on the Gent web-board, thus breaching the rules of transparency in the competition, so Ling had a clear run-in. And didn’t he take his chance well! His starter for ten came late on Friday night, when he deferred the start time of the match from midday to 1pm, thus keeping The Gents (whom he not informed of the change) hanging about. He then denounced Dhruv Patel for “talking crap Hindi,” before marching down the pitch after a flamboyant batting cameo, waving his bat at umpire Bignell (not on this occasion unsighted), in order to dispute an lbw decision answered in favour of the bowler. But these were only the hors d’oeuvres. In a magnificent, spontaneous rant, he bellowed, on returning to the boundary, that “The Gents are cheats” before promising both to attend and disrupt the A.G.M. As a member, of course, he has every right. A jaw-dropping, 10/10 display, we salute this great man.

 

 

Nine-nil to the AFC

 

Berko is an attractive, sleepy town but not greatly loved at Gent House, for it is the home of Capita, who recently rejected Mr. Burman for a job, as he “lacked pizzazz, charisma and interpersonal skills,” though that apart they quite rated him (Deal with it and move on! Tony Buck). Sad to report too that the town’s football team, who play in Division 1 North of the Ryman (Isthmian) League, had a shoddy result 24 hours before the West XI/Gents game. Berkhamsted Town 0 AFC Sudbury 9 (NINE) was the shock scoreline from the weekend’s F.A. Cup First Qualifying Round. “Berko freeze in TV horror appearance” said the Non-League Paper referring to the “Road To Cardiff” feature on BBC1’s Football Focus, which showed the goals the following Saturday. The ground is about 400 yards from the cricket club. The Editor dimly remembers a Berkhamsted Town 0 Windsor and Eton 10 (TEN) score from the 60’s but, despite consistent league form in Ryman 1 South, F.A. Cup glory will elude The Royalists this season, for they duffed out 0-1 to a burly, uncompromising Metropolitan Police outfit in the August Preliminary Round. Much-travelled Royalists’ striker Keith Scott was a guest pundit on the Sky Exeter City v. Dagenham Conference game recently. Summariser Rob McCaffrey kindly name-checked W&E. Non-league football makes a refreshing change, we’re sure you’ll agree, from French Woolwich Arsenal players disgracing themselves on live TV and Spurs losing right, left and centre.

Chris the Conqueror takes the crown

 

History recalls, in AD 1066, that following his victory at Hastings (by three wickets), William the Bastard and his marauding Normans moved slowly towards London, raping, pillaging and burning, writes Steve Bignell. After a minor scuffle south of the Thames William moved west and north, eventually camping in the village of Berkhamsted, where the London earls finally bowed to the inevitable and sent a delegation to offer him the crown of England.

 

Almost a thousand years later Chris Wright’s all-conquering West XI defeated The Gents for the third time in an enthralling contest on the same ground to complete the first ‘Gentwash’ since 1991 (see below). Then the gap between the two sides was considerable; in 2003 it could still have gone either way. Curiously, all three matches followed the same pattern – West XI batting first and getting off to a poor start against some excellent Gent bowling and fielding, only to break free in the last ten overs and set an imposingly similar target (188 at Surbiton, 171 at Gunnersbury and 179 at Berkhamsted). Each time the lack of depth in the Gent bowling told, and each time West XI found a man for the occasion. At Surbiton it was Chris Dane’s superb 79 on a poor pitch; at Gunnersbury Park the Bignell/Wright partnership took the game out of reach and at Berko it was Paul Carter’s maiden half-century.

 

Skipper Wright has led from the front all season. He scored the most runs, took the most wickets and held the most catches. His captaincy also improved with each game. At Berkhamsted, where the contours of the pitch are troublesome for everyone, he sent in Bhav and Biggers to face the hostility of Snelling and Fitch, probably the quickest and best opening attack West XI have faced all season, with the possible exception of Acme. When two quick wickets fell he kept himself back and sent in Steve Rennie as a pinch-hitter (or was it cannon fodder?). Steve flourished briefly but Wright and Bignell almost saw off the best of the Gent bowling attack. First change Nabeel Husain, varying his pace, was a more difficult proposition and his spell of 2-13 was almost a match-winner, getting Bignell lbw one ball before the drinks interval at 20 overs, West XI struggling at 63-4. Having batted with much circumspection Chris awaited the weaker support bowling, only to pull Dhruv’s opening full-toss straight down deep square-leg’s throat, tantalisingly falling 23 runs short of Cammy Vine’s aggregate record. The Gents had bowled well and held their catches, and at 91-6 West XI might have folded, especially if The Gents had had one more quality bowler in hand (Sanjay perhaps?). But at this point Carter and Ling went on to the offensive, adding 45 in just a few overs. This partnership, in its own way, was almost as vital as the Biggers/Wrighty one in the previous match, as it swung the initiative away from The Gents. After Ling was pinned by the returning Snelling, Paul dominated the closing stages of the innings to such an extent that, although they gave him good support, nine, ten and jack scored just three runs from the last 42. Skipo Scibo, depping for the absent Sanjay, marshalled his forces well, but bore the brunt of the Carter onslaught and cut something of a sorry figure thereafter.

 

Everyone was delighted for Paul. The robust Aussie had been threatening to cut loose all summer and there was a certain inevitability that he should achieve his goal of a fifty in probably his last innings for the team. Paul has been a valued club member in 2003 where his enthusiasm and encouragement on and off the field has played a major part in the team’s success.

 

Thankfully, West XI may have a ready-made replacement in Rohit Chugh, who has showed interest in joining and made his point by bowling poor Bucky first ball of the Gent innings. Thereafter The Gents batted with some spirit, notably Dhruv, Nabeel and Snarler, but were worn down by West XI’s array of bowling talent which was still considerable despite the absence of Hill, Dane and Taylor*. Ling and Laing were the pick; the veteran Sri Lankan hitting the stumps twice in his last match before retiring (again), whilst the Wing Commander combined with stumper Biggers to winkle out the dangerous Fitch before he could trouble the scorers, and then pulled out a pearler to defeat Snelling. Bhav looked like he had mopped up the tail before the last pair of tyros threatened to pull off a shock result by adding 43 for the last wicket. Wrighty declined to panic, bringing himself and Rohit back on to strangle the last gasp out of the innings.

 

In his report, Andy Burman indicated the damning statistic of the match was that six of the first seven Gent batsmen were bowled. However, more relevant was the fact that, between them, Snelling, Fitch and Husain sent down 21 excellent overs, taking six wickets for just 59 runs, whilst the remaining 14 overs went for 97 and just one wicket, not to mention a shedload of extras, including 19 byes. With a bit of luck with the toss on each occasion and an extra bowler or two the outcome of this series may have been very different.

 

The combatants met up on the bar balcony for the handing over of the trophy, preceded by a cultural interlude when Andy Burman gave a poetry reading. Neepam must have some Japanese blood in him, judging by his wanting to photograph everything that moved! And so another season came to an end, summer sighed its last, and as the sun set behind Berkhmasted’s rolling hills we look forward to contests renewed.

 

* Strange, isn’t it, how West XI members can afford expensive junkets to Eastern Europe to watch football matches, but can’t stump up enough wonga to pay their annual club subscriptions!

 

 

Between the Wars

 

Well done Christopher Dane, 40, of North London who successfully identified the mystery England cricket captain in Gent 87 as Lionel Hallam Tennyson, the Third Baron Tennyson. Christopher wins a video “Great Gents innings – the best of Tony Buck” (Betamax format only). Baron Tennyson’s autobiography “Sticky Wickets” (1950) becomes more entertaining by the page, and repays repeated reading. To answer Mr. Dane’s question, Tennyson did indeed tour the West Indies, in 1926, though not with the M.C.C. To quote him: “I believe an incredible number of little black babies out there are named after members of various cricket teams who have distinguished themselves in these Islands.” You what! He later witnesses and reports a lynching of two alleged kidnappers and murderers in California (an event not entirely disapproved of by the then Governor) and travels extensively in Java, Ceylon and Bali. Two photographs, in true National Geographic Magazine style, show fit young Balinese babes with their headlamps out: “We were lucky to be in Bali” quipped the caption. What a man. The Baron died a year later in 1951 and play was stopped briefly in the Trent Bridge Test against South Africa in a tribute to his memory.

 

A product of his time and class, Lionel Tennyson, had huge appetites – for the high life, gambling, womanising and cricket, the last named being the only thing he ever took seriously, though the M.C.C. hierarchy deemed him too high a risk to lead his country abroad. He saw very bloody active service and one cannot apply today’s egg-shell standards of appropriate behaviour to him. Face it, if you’d survived the Great War and had the time and money to knob your way around the Empire, with a bit of cricket thrown it, you’d have taken it. A generation later came D.C.S. Compton and Squadron-Leader W.J. Edrich, who were married seven times between them. Mr. Edrich famously observed “I was best man at Denis’s third wedding and third man at his best wedding.” There is something intensely appealing about these hellraisers – in our own time, only Ian Botham and Stewart Taylor come close.

 

The Who might have sung on “Tommy” that 1921 was a good year, but history suggests otherwise. The Great Depression started in a country already bereft by the twin evils of the Great War and disease (Granddad Burman died of the ’flu in Stepney in 1919). The 1921 Ashes series must have been particularly dispiriting to England cricket fans, though Lionel Tennyson did lead his men to two draws after he replaced J.W.H.T. (“Johnny Won’t Hit Today”) Douglas of Essex, later to drown at sea (while trying to rescue his dad) in the 1930 collision between the steamships Oberon and Arcturus in the Cattegat. A 0-3 defeat, players making their debuts right, left and centre and being immediately discarded after terrifying meetings with Mr. Gregory and Mr. McDonald, the Aussie captain W.W. Armstrong sitting down while fielding at the Oval and reading a newspaper, so bored was he by the utter lack of competition and so contemptuous was he of the English side. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall at Selection Committee Meetings that summer. Perhaps they were chaired by His Majesty King George V (or Prime Minister David Lloyd-George), with Will Hay in attendance, and minuted by Princess Victoria Mary of Tec! Oh well, at least Spurs had won the Cup in the spring and a talented new generation of English cricketers was growing up; Wally Hammond would make his debut six years later and would, in any other era other than The Don’s (debut 1928), have gone on to dominate the game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quiz

 

Here’s a tough but fair little quiz to tide you over the A.G.M. season. A small prize is offered to the winning entry.

 

1. Which all-time great Test batsman scored 44 non-First Class centuries, including ones against Portland Cement, Cambridge Liberals, Guards Depot (Caterham) and Three Counties Mental Hospital?
2. Excluding the current interregnum, when did England last fail to secure an Ashes series win for over 16 years?
3. Who scored 329 in a 2002 Test innings against New Zealand?
4. Which famous West Indies opening batsman became a Socialist politician in South America?
5. Nathan Astle hit 11 sixes in compiling Test cricket’s fastest double century. But who holds the record for the highest number of sixes in a Test innings (12)?

An Allstar perspective

 

Cricket, it is often said, is a game of ifs, writes Maxie Haddow-Allen. If only we’d held that catch. If only that batsman hadn’t got out when he did. If only Tristan could turn up on time. And if only we could hold our nerve when playing the Gents of West London. The Gents are without doubt our favourite opponents – splendid chaps to a man and true friends of the Allstars. In cricketing terms they’re cannier and more experienced than us, but certainly within our range. We should be able to beat them, but somehow, every time we meet, our batting seems to implode. In the fixture against them in April we bowled and fielded very well to dismiss them for 118, only for our reply to disintegrate into 98 all out. This time round we fared little better

 

Inserted on a green pitch, which gave the bowlers plenty of early help, we were immediately hamstrung by the prolonged non-appearance of my brother, who was due to open the batting. Is there any man – me excepted – who has more often prompted the question: “Where the f*** is he?” In his absence, our makeshift top order struggled to make much headway against The Gents’ impressive new ball attack: the ever-reliable Sanjay Patel and, in his first appearance against us, Nabeel Husain. Bowling quickly and accurately, and later to play a fine innings, Husain was the clear Man of the Match candidate and possibly the main difference between the two sides. His first victim was James Terrett, who in trying to break the shackles succeeded only in spooning a catch to mid-on. James Devlin quickly followed, offering a return catch to Patel. The arrival of Chris Hipwell to join Simon Begley ushered in a period of recovery, his aerial assaults on the slower bowlers complementing Scratch’s more classical approach. At 60-2 in the 13th over things were looking pretty good, until Begley, having cover driven beautifully, miscued a cut into the hands of Sherwani at short third-man.

 

With Tristan now at the crease there was no reason to panic, and good progress continued until Hipwell, slightly unluckily, missed an attempted sweep off “Swiss” Tony Buck and was plumb lbw. It was this dismissal which triggered our collapse, the remaining batting crumpling like a plastic cup in a bonfire. Chris Gould lasted just one ball – bottom-handedly slicing to short extra cover to put Buck on an unlikely (and thankfully non-completed) Hat-Trick. The Gents had us tied up in knots. Husain bowled fast and straight from one end, Dhruv Patel accurate and skilful with his spin from the other. Neither could be got away. Nabeel’s pace was too much for first James Abrahams and then Matt Butcher, both LBW if rather unjustly in the latter case, with the left hander playing well forward of his crease. But it did give the scorecard something of an Essex v. Surrey look: M Butcher lbw b N Husain. Tristan, his stupendous recent form stifled by Dhruv Patel’s guile, eventually lost patience and drove straight back into the bowler’s hands. He was replaced at the crease by Roger Pordes, whose unorthodox seven-ball innings comprised two fours before losing his middle stump in undignified fashion. We had hurtled from a healthy 83-3 to a terminally ill 111-9, a situation in no way improved by the fact the next batsmen was me.

 

All this meant we had only 114 to defend on an improving pitch and a strike bowler light. Adam Clements was unavailable for this match due to personal commitments the nature of which I am not at liberty to reveal. It simply wouldn’t be tactful. All I will say is that, although he wasn’t playing cricket that day, he may well have been bowling a maiden over. He might even have been showing off his googlies. Or even using his middle stump. Either that or he was off shagging somewhere.

 

To have any chance of saving the match we needed early breakthroughs, and we got one: Tony Buck neatly caught behind off the last ball of the first over. With Norcott quiet at the other end, incoming batsman Dhruv Patel posed the real danger. He immediately went on the attack, driving uppishly at every opportunity. It yielded a constant flow of runs but also several chances – most failing to go to hand except the one which went to me, and which I of course dropped.

 

In general, we bowled and fielded as well as we were able, and for a long time we remained in the game. James Devlin – in maybe his best ever Allstars performance – removed Norcott, and soon afterward came a double strike which seemed to put us in real contention. Patel had been pushing his partners harder for quick singles than they seemed willing and this was to bring about his downfall – hesitation by the batsmen followed by smart work from Abrahams at point leaving him stranded two yards short. Then next ball Hipwell took a brilliant return catch off Gilkes and the Gents were wobbling at 37-4. Another wicket then and the outcome might just have been different. But it wasn’t to be, thanks to our relative lack of bowling and a decisive fifth-wicket partnership. Much credit goes to Sanjay Patel for playing a genuine captain’s innings, calmly picking off singles and punishing the bad balls. He never looked like getting out, unlike Nabeel Husain, who offered hope with his early edginess and risk taking. But the longer he stayed, the better and more surely he played, soon finding the boundary with alarming ease and eventually even smacking even Tristan over midwicket for six. With each lusty blow, the match slipped further out of our hands.

 

With just two needed I decided to boost morale by bringing myself on to bowl – fancying myself for the double Hat-trick we needed for victory. Imagine my delight when my second ball was pulled high to deep mid-wicket where Devers took a fine catch. Imagine my disappointment when it transpired One Dart had actually stepped over the boundary, and it was actually six. In a way, this rather summed up our day.

 

 

Brondesbury Casuals v. Gents

 

Brondesbury CC, London NW2, Sunday, 7 September. Gents won toss. Cloudy, 20°

 

 

Brondesbury Casuals won by 3 wickets

 

NW2 mayhem over in three hours

 

At 20-0, Brondesbury Casuals were proceeding to a simple (from The Gents’ point of view, depressingly simple) victory when superb bowling from Chris Wright, Chris Dane and Sanjay Patel turned the game on its head, seven wickets tumbling for 19 runs. Arnold and Gurney then knocked off the winning runs amid great tension. A theoretically strong Gents side therefore restored a measure of dignity (Casuals won this game by 10 wickets in 2002 and 99 runs in 2001) but the truth has to be told. This was the worst Gents batting display that this writer has had the misfortune to witness. Some of the Blunder Years performances were excusable with the resources available and rubbish pitches (one of the only two lower totals actually saw a Gents win), but this was, on paper, a talented batting line up and the pitch was excellent, fast and true. Sadly cricket matches are not played on paper.

 

Bhavesh, sharply taken at slip, and Sanjay, perhaps unlucky with his decision, fought well but every other batsman was out to a poor shot. Sure, the Casuals are a strong, confident side – nine wins on the bounce going into this game – and the bowling was accurate and canny, but nothing can explain the mental aberrations that afflicted the other eight batsmen. Head up heaves (the Chrisses), a panicky chip to mid-wicket (Neepam), a horrible swish across the line (Simon), a drive to mid-off specially placed back (Dhruv), and sundry dark horrors in the lower order. It was an atrocity exhibition. Casuals bowled to their fields, caught their catches, ran like demons in the outfield and, creditably, did not call off the dogs. One’s mind ruefully goes back to 1995, Mark Ashton’s fifty supported by Victor’s solid defence seeing up 164 before Jim Wright and Mark bowled Casuals out. It may as well have been a hundred years ago. Nick Johnson took his aggregate analysis against The Gents to 18.3-9-44-11. The three Gents innings here have totalled 270 runs.

 

The Gents fightback after three Hilton boundaries in the first over was gratifying. Casuals seemed to panic and the bowlers sensed this. Bhavesh caught three, Buck and Sanjay obliged with sharp ones at first slip and gully and Dane obtained away swing and bounce to finish with 4-7. Arnold and Gurney then steered the ship to harbour, though the stand might have been broken right at the end, second slip Chris Lewis misjudging an edge. It was all over at 4.20pm with 44.2 overs of the 80 unused. Bernie Spratt would have every right to substitute an oppo likely to make a longer day of it. His perfectly fair report said: “Accentuate the positives, that’s what they tell you. Well, we bowled well and fielded really well, but our batting was s**t. The Gents never got going and with our team catching everything (except Chatters) and Tom Levesley, Qaisar, Tom Gurney and Nick putting it on the spot we rolled them over for 55 in under 22 overs on a flat belter where 200 should have been a par score. We then batted as poorly as they did and they caught as well as we did and in the end we crawled home by three wickets. It was a poor performance with the bat and only Luke and Tom Gurney deserve to escape criticism. Naughty Boy nets followed the game with most of the errant top order in attendance as we will need to bat much better than this if we are to continue our winning streak against the Royal Household next Saturday at Windsor Castle.”

 

West XI v. Gents

 

Berkhamsted CC, Sunday, 14 September. West XI won toss. Sunny, 26°

 

 

West XI won by 11 runs

 

Gents fall short in brave reply

 

A blistering maiden fifty from Paul Carter helped West XI to a total of 178 that in its composition and strategy was a model for the limited-over game, 96 runs coming in the final 11 overs. It was just too much for a young Gents side that fought bravely, also pacing their innings sensibly, though early wickets fell too often to rash shots. So, as in 1991, West XI completed a 3-0 win over their arch-rivals. The Gents also restored a measure of pride that year, falling 49 runs short of West XI’s 201. But make no mistake, this was a chastening experience for Captain Scibo and his lads.

 

Yet it all started so well, when it eventually did start, an hour late. Tails never fails according to Mr. Wright but he must have had his doubts when, off balls three and four of the third over, Justin pouched Bhav at cover and Walton was castled by the inswinger. With Bignell impregnable (he would bat for over 18 overs), Rennie began to play a few shots before holing out to mid-on. Wright was not at his fluent best, though he did hoist Scibo for a huge six, but when Bignell fell just before drinks, to be followed soon by Chugh (a second wicket for the steady Nabeel) and Wright (well caught by deep square-leg off Dhruv’s first ball, a full toss) The Gents were on top, West XI 91-6 off 25.1 overs, Snarler, Eddie and Nabeel superb. But in a Gunnersbury Park rerun, the middle-order began to hit out ferociously against the support bowlers, Scibo’s final over going for 18. Carter was excellent though The Gents missed a trick by not trying a Lewis brother, Justin or Faraz, all of whom are competent bowlers but who have, like Silver Fox, been under-utilised all season.

 

Runs flew off the bat (16 fours in the innings, 7 to Carter) and through the gloves of the stand-in ’keepers as the fielders were put under pressure in the heat. There had been classic acceleration with wickets in hand and The Gents would have to bat out of their skins to pull off a consolation win. Buck was bowled ball one but the elegant Justin/Dhruv combo began the fightback. Nabeel continued it before being bowled the ball after swapping bats with his mentor, who was promptly bowled in the next over, a few balls after surviving a vertical skyer that West XI declined to catch. Man of the Match Snarler dug in and, surviving the tumble of wickets at the other end, began to play some big shots. When Eddie and Scibo fell, to be followed quickly by Chris, Doug and Snarler himself, all seemed up. West XI’s excellent array of bowlers, with Bhavesh and Laing the pick, looked too good. “Another hammering,” mused Buck. But no, for James and Faraz batted superbly in the gloaming, blocking the straight ball and being ruthless on anything wide. Their 43 came at exactly a run a ball and, at 154-9 off 31 overs, The Gents were in with an outside chance. Wright rang the changes to separate them and eventually had to bring back Rohit Chugh to do so, with nine men on the boundary. The ball crashed into James’s pads and he had to go, defiant but modest to the last. Faraz was also excellent. Both batsmen struck two fours. Defeat by 11 runs was not so bad, but six of the first seven batsmen were bowled on a pitch that scarcely misbehaved all day, while the seventh was stumped. In the West XI innings, the stumps were disturbed only once (apart from a run out declined by the umpire). Draw your own conclusions on the relative batting techniques of the two sides from that alarming statistic. Still, it had been a good, if overlong game, with much to discuss after. Well played West XI.

 

The 2003 West London season

 

Also played (1 game only)

Anthony Amos 1/1/1/0 (1 ct.), Dave Bender 1/1/0/1, Larry Caffrey 1/1/0/19, Chris Dane 1/1/0/5, 4.1-2-7-4 (1 ct.), Ryon Derriman 1/1/0/80, 5-1-16-1 (1 ct.), Sanjay Dev 1/1/0/8, 3-0-7-0 (1 ct.), Ed Enock 1/-/-/-, Fahd Khan 1/1/0/0, Anthony Lea 1/1/0/7 (2 ct.), Mike Logan 1/1/0/0/ (1 ct.), Andy Mayhew 1/1/1/5, Arun Muhunthan 1/1/0/4, 2-0-20-0, Jon Orchard 1/1/0/1, Pratiq Patel 1/1/0/2, 2-0-7-1 (1 ct.), Simon Pryor 1/1/0/0, Andy Robinson 1/1/0/0, Rob Snelling 1/1/0/6, Wayne Thompson 1/1/0/28, 4-0-11-1, Ken Toft 1/1/0/27, Jonathan Wasse 1/1/0/0, Pete Wylie 1/1/0/1 (1 ct.)

 

Great weather but few new records

 

Although a warm, dry summer it was not a great one for records, aside from the quantity of players used (48, beating the 43 who played in 2002), catches taken (70) and number of defeats (12). It was not a particularly high scoring summer, just one 200-plus total being recorded. What has changed in aggregate terms is that Sanjay Patel (2,408 runs) is now in second place behind Mark Ashton (3,822) in the run scorers and Dhruv Patel (2,387) has overtaken Jim Wright (2,339) in third place. Sanjay (170 wickets) is now in third place in the career bowling list, one ahead of Dhruv but some way South of Snarler and Ashton. The 55 all out v. Brondesbury Casuals was the third lowest-ever Gent total, behind 51 v. London Owls (1991) (also posted batting first and actually a winning total) and 54 v. East Harrow Cheetahs (1989). Casuals’ skipper Bernie recently revealed that his side was once all out for 11, pure class. Not since 1988 have The Gents lost more wickets per match.

 

West XI’s 3-0 win in the Bob Ashton Memorial Cup was their first victory since 1991 by this margin and their second whitewash, Gents completing theirs 3-0 in 1999 and 2-0 in 1997. Only Rich Wilman in 1993 has bettered Tony Buck’s total of eight outfield catches. The stand of 116 between Bhavesh Vyas and Sanjay Patel against Enterprise in June was the tenth highest in club history and a club record for the fourth wicket in all games. Paul Carter and Mr. Ling set a West XI series record stand for the seventh wicket at Berko, as did James Lewis and Faraz Sherwani for The Gents’ tenth wicket. The records in this series are particularly interesting, in that special needs batsmen A. Burman, J. Black, J. Lewis (perhaps not any more!) and M. Jolin proudly feature in the GWLCC tabulation, whereas the West XI one is dominated by grizzled pros. What memories these stands evoke! What toil for the bowlers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2004 Gents’ funding

 

Treasurer Patricia Langley B.A. (Hons.) has not only performed very efficiently in 2003, but has also sent the following proposal for 2004 funding. It seems very sensible to us, and will be proposed as a Motion at the A.G.M.

 

 

 

Venue confirmed

 

The Gent House Purchasing and Procurement Committee has been in action sorting a venue for the A.G.M. consistent with the maturity and gravitas of these occasions. A competitive tender document was therefore sent to Angels and Urchins in Northfields, the Little Tykes Playcentre in Brentford and the Wacky Warehouse in Ealing. The cost for these was prohibitive, so we have ended up with The Griffin PH, by Brentford FC, Saturday 25 October, 6pm. We have the upstairs function room and very jolly and spacious it is too (blooming should be for forty quid as well, chisellers). Brentford is a comedy mixture of aspirationals who can’t afford to live in Chiswick, psychos on the look-out for the aspirationals’ flat-top BMW’s to pinch and ordinary folk, who use The Griffin as a local pub for local people. See you there, there’s a lot to discuss.

 

Bellboy Alex bites back

Feisty Alex Bell was none too impressed with the 12 Angry Men comments quoted in Gent 87 on the subject of Urban batting techniques and has registered a strong protest via his ambassador, in which he claims the remarks to have been “scandalous.” In the interest of balanced reporting, it is only fair to point out that Neil Hadfield’s match report was actually very complimentary about Urbs’ sportsmanship and generosity on the day, described a Dave Johnston catch as the best he had ever seen and the Urban top three as “class.” Perhaps we should have printed it in full, but that would have reduced the entertainment, er, sorry, there was not enough space. Alex is a good example of those players who need a bit of working out, but when you do you get riches untold. Sadly, we won’t see him for a while as he intends to teach English in the abroads for two years, by way of a Government apology for the 70’s sit-com Mind Your Language.

 

Though the dedicated PALs League e-mail and voicemail Hotlines at Gent House seldom received anything useful like scores, they were often a-twitch after the matches with scurrilous gossip and character assassination, as NBW, 12AM and Urbs piled into each other. God only knows what was said about The Gents, for we appear to have been banned from receiving Kitbag!