THE GENT

 

September 2004

No. 96

 

Tales from the corridor of uncertainty

 

Goodbye to all that?

 

 

289-wicket man is off to Rio

 

INSIDE…

 

Adieu to Snarler – full tribute as he heads to Rio The season reviewed Whitherwards GWLCC? - Surbiton +’s and –‘s Season and career records Match reports West XI (Bob Ashton Memorial Cup) (lost by 3 wickets) Salix (won by 5 wickets) Music nostalgia – “Dad’s Army” stars on 45

 

Editor AJ Burman, andrewburman_840@hotmail.com

 

2004 GWLCC AGM

Waggon and Horses, 1 Surbiton Hill Road, Surbiton 6pm Saturday 9 October

 

 

Cheers, buddy

 

There can be few on the circuit unaware of Stuart Alexander Snelling’s decision to move with his family, wife Tracey and son Joel, to Rio de Janeiro in Brazil for at least two years. Though a dramatic way of avoiding taxi duties, it is a golden opportunity for the lad, and we all wish him well trundling in on those on flat, remorseless Brazilian wickets. Introduced to the club by Daniel Todd in 1995, Snarler has gained friends not only in The Gents but also in every opposing team, for though an awesome cricketer who plays his cricket hard, he is a sportsman and a gentleman. On a personal level he has been a true, unwavering friend, with a fine, self-deprecating sense of humour, an above-average record collection and a knowledge of sitcoms that has both breadth and depth. In his ten seasons he has quite simply set the mark against which all fast bowlers are judged, for whenever a new quick emerges he is immediately compared to Snarler; “about Snelling’s pace,” “even quicker than Snarler for a few balls” and so on. That is the mark of the man.

 

Statistics never tell the whole story, but Stuart’s are worth documenting. In 161 Gents games since 1995 (only Burman has played more), he captured his 289 wickets at an average of 10.35 and a miserly economy rate of 2.67. He also took 36 catches. Though it is as a bowler that he will be chiefly remembered, he loved to have a bat and knew what to do with the willow too. He scored 982 runs at 11.03, and though he never made a fifty he added 128 with centurion Jim Wright in that epic one-wicket win against 12 Angry Men in 2000. In 2002, he set with the same batsman a record 95 seventh-wicket stand against Norwich CSC that stood until Wayne Thompson and Ryon Derriman went ballistic with their 121 against London Rams in May 2004. In his only game for West XI, he made 44 against Staefa in August 2002. Not a notable whore, his favours were dispensed to only one other side, Enterprise in 1998 when he bizarrely switched sides after a few overs, ostensibly to even things up, though Bill Murphy had other ideas and cracked him for several fours, to muffled titters.

 

Keep it under your hat, but Snarler went wicketless with 0-46 on his début on 7 May 1995, Mick Walker (150*) and Paul Mason (44) of Rotherham SC putting on a still-unbeaten 127 stand for the second wicket on their way to giving The Gents a good hammering. But he was among the wickets next game against Enterprise (his first victim was the black-trousered Keith Dimond) and would in the heatwave of that year bowl perhaps his best limited over spell, 4-4-0-3 against the Weasels at Alexandra RG, though his match-winning 4-16, coming on as first change at Gunnersbury Park in 1999, came close.

 

The new Gents’ express bowler with the unorthodox wrong-foot delivery soon became the talk of the circuit and in particular his own wicket-keepers and close fielders. He was 34 wickets into his Gents’ career before anyone took a catch off him, Dhruv Patel in May 1996 in Acton. The best opening batsmen on the circuit – Charles Arthur, Bill Flack, Neil Hadfield, Scott Kirk and Trevor Mayhew – had vintage contests with him, no quarter given nor asked, all issues resolved over a pint after the game. Bowling awards regularly followed (six in all, as well as All-Rounder and Most Improved in 1999), as did the gigantic hauls, including an all-time Gents’ best 8-33 against 12 Angry Men in 1999 and a bizarre 8-77 against East Harrow Cheetahs in 1996. He took five Norwich wickets in successive balls in 2001. Though he missed a few games due to family commitments, his fitness was very impressive for a tall man whose action must have put enormous pressure on his back and ankles. Stuart was often at his best in time games, which The Gents rarely play these days. He loved to build up a head of steam and was fit enough to bowl very long spells, notably those 17 overs en route to his best analysis.

 

Having been groomed for the captaincy by Mark Ashton in 1999, Stuart was formally elected to it in 2000. That was a well-documented golden summer and, with the players available, 2001 should have been even better. It was not, as disciplinary problems, which Stuart worked manfully to resolve, took hold and confidence ebbed from the team. After an improved season, he was shockingly deposed in a coup at the 2002 A.G.M. but behaved with great dignity playing happily, and as well as ever, under Sanjay Patel, an impressive act of selflessness that helped the club through a difficult period on and off the pitch. Stuart did a lot of things right as captain but perhaps, and this can only be judged over a long period, his deposition might have been for the best, as Sanjay practically had to rebuild an entire squad. That process is still going on.

 

What will Stuart find on his return to the club? That The Gents will still be playing is not in doubt, though by 2007 we will probably all be travelling to matches in gyroplanes. A match fee payable in Euros or a pitch measured in metres would not, we suspect, find favour with him, for he is a brisk espouser of Conservative values and a loyal monarchist. You know without asking him where he stands on all the great political issues of the day, a far cry from the man we didn’t know in the 1980’s with the “Kill the yuppies” T-shirt. He has been a faithful servant, impeccable in his sportsmanship and kindness to friend and foe. He leaves a gaping hole.
Tributes and statistics

 

Bill Flack: “I would like to wish Stuart and his family all the best in their sojourn in Brazil. As a member of the oppo he plays the game hard and fair, as a new team-mate he is the most supportive of souls. Cheers Stuart.”

 

Steve Bignell: “Just to add my twopenn’orth on Snarler – a fierce and intense competitor over the last ten years but no less a gentleman for all that. I look forward to locking horns again one day.”

 

Richard Gilkes: “I think that it is very selfish of you just to bugger off to Brazil seeing as it’s your turn to drive to the next game. Not impressed. Call yourself a friend!”

 

Stuart Alexander Snelling - right-hand bat, right-arm fast bowler

Known as; Snarler HS 42 BB 8-33

Bowler of Year 95, 96, 97 and 99, 01 and 03. All Rounder of Year 99. Most Improved Player 99.

Holds record for most wickets in a season (43 in 99). Captain 00-02

 

 

The four (or more)-fors (H = included Hat-Trick)

 

 

Stuart also performed a Hat-Trick against Enterprise on 1 August 1999 (1.5-0-1-3).

 

We leave the last word to the big fellow himself: “Cheers everyone. Thanks for all the nice things you’ve said (cheques are in the post!). It’s been an honour and a privilege to play for The Gents during the past ten seasons and it’s been a very enjoyable part of my life. I am unlikely to return until the 2007 season (and I’ll remember that I’ve got to drive Rich for the first game!) so I’ll be doing all my Gentwatching via the internet. Best wishes for the future and I hope to see some of you at the A.G.M.”
Quick singles

 

The captaincy

Captain Sanjay Patel, in his second year of office, led The Gents from a losing 2003 season (six wins, 13 defeats) to a winning one with 15 wins and only four defeats, three of which were to the club’s biggest rivals, West XI. The wins tally equals that of the golden 2000 season, Snelling’s first as captain and the first without a single appearance from Ashton. That year only three games were lost, West XI were beaten twice and the President’s Cup was captured for the first time in four years. It remains the annus mirabilis. Sanjay led from the front with bat and ball and sacrificially neither scored a run nor took a wicket in the final game (though he did bowl), enabling NZ Waynie to overhaul him in the run aggregate column and Buck to draw level in the bowling. SP did, however, let himself down badly at Berkhamsted, where he launched a sustained and withering verbal assault on a bewildered old tramp in sunglasses who had wandered onto the pitch over at square-leg and squawked “not out” after a run out appeal, in the mistaken belief that the interloper was an umpire.

 

Involvement

It was good that in the final game everybody either batted or bowled, for this was a rare phenomenon in 2004. There were various reasons for this. By definition, if a side is all out everyone will have batted or bowled but the batting was more obdurate in 2004 than in previous years, so all outs were rare. Good Mr. Lewis has, in this writer’s opinion, perhaps been underutilised as a bowler (14.3 overs in 22 matches over the past two seasons is poor reward for such a committed team man) but most chaps have had a fair shake.

 

The new players

There was a major blood transfusion in 2004 and players old and new generally got on. Judging by the targeting of Nabil Husain by West XI, he must be doing something right, though, like a good few others, he needs to calm down when under pressure. We hope he stays with GWLCC for many years. Ken Toft was disappointed by his runs tally but he hung in there and gave his all. The sight of High Street wheeling his cricket bag all over London, Hertfordshire and the Midlands was one of the highlights of the year. Ryon Derriman bowled steadily, took some spectacular catches and smashed two blistering knocks before injury took hold. Wayne Thompson was steadiness personified with bat, ball and in the field, a major contributor. Peter Denton is the answer to a crisis of wicket-keeping that has remained unsolved for at least a season and he can bat too, though his accusation that the editor of The Gent cuts his own hair wasn’t very nice. Bill Flack’s eight wickets in his first two games and all-round presence give the club great hope for the future on and off the pitch.

 

The stalwarts

Tony Buck had his best season with the ball (21 wickets) though his runs were down on 2003. Mark Sciberras actually improved, though not significantly in his runs, wickets and catches tallies. Stuart Snelling’s bowling held up, though his batting fell away. The same could be said for Dhruv Patel, some excellent spells, sometimes opening the bowling, but fewer runs than he would have liked. Sanjay Patel often batted down the order but was a class act when he got to the crease. He and Buck headed the wickets list with 21. It was great to see Jim Wright back, though he had a quiet season (made up for by the arrival of Alexandra Hetty). Richard Gilkes and Justin Norcott both had very good seasons with the bat and their maiden fifties were thoroughly deserved. There is more to come from Faraz Sherwani, who has a wide selection of shot. James Lewis as ever gave his all.

 

The guests

Thanks are due to them, as ever. Neepam Bhatt and Bhavesah Vyas made sterling contributions and it is hoped to sign Priyesh Patel for more games in 2005.

 

Administration

The totals of players used, 32, was down exactly 1/3 on 2003. This gave the Captain greater continuity, which undoubtedly helped results, though the batting order was seldom settled, due to a combination of form, tactics and happenstance. In 2003, only seven players played more than 10 games and only three more than 15, compared to 13 and six respectively this term. The Gents fielded full sides in all their games, whereas opposition were sometimes short. You only have to go onto the Fixturelist.org web-site to see even league matches being cancelled through lack of players, particularly late in the season. Patsy Langley prepared fine teas, collected the subs and match fees efficiently and provided support both medical and pastoral.

Easy twos

 

The PALs League

Along with the tour, the highlight of the season was winning the PALs League with four victories batting second, though in both return legs the opposition were below strength, The Gents lending NBW and 12AM players to make up the numbers. 12AM actually cancelled the July fixture but were persuaded to honour it, though, clearly in freefall, they were bowled out a few weeks later by NBW for 29 en route to a 10-wicket defeat. A top bunch of fellows, they’ll be back. NBW were their useful cheery, friendly selves.

 

The Midlands tour

The Gents completed two games for the first time ever, and won them both with scores of 163. The maiden victory over Bedouins was the best performance of the summer but more importantly the team got on well together and had a splendid weekend out of town. Ian Richmond worked very hard to ensure that the weekend went without a hitch and thanks are due both to him and those that ferried their team-mates to, from and around this beautiful part of England. Ink the 2006 tour there in your diaries now and Snarler bookmark easyJet’s website.

 

The friendlies

Stumps, Old Rutlishians, a fixture brokered by Dhruv Patel, and Salix were new oppo. All three games were most enjoyable and should be repeated. The Old Ruts SC in Morden was impressive enough, but GSK SC, the home of Salix, was mindblowing, up there in the all-time top echelon of palatial luxury, with Enville and Brondesbury.

 

The Gents battled gallantly but lost to Old Ruts, were saved by the rain at Brondesbury (let’s hope Bernie keeps us on, if only for our comedy value) and were abandoned at home to London Owls but won every other friendly. Many of the games were low-scoring, but there were runfests against London Rams and Enterprise.

 

Outstanding individual performances

 

Coitus interruptus

Whereas West XI went blithely on without interruption, The Gents and their guests suffered considerable disruption. Injuries such as Ian Colley sustained happen from time to time, as does bad weather, which caused the cancellation of the original Kerala fixture and the abandonment at Brondesbury. But the lack of a pitch for the Urban Associates game, squarely the fault of RB Kingston, was acutely embarrassing. The cancellation by the Surrey Constabulary of the rescheduled Kerala fixture due to a serious crime at Victoria RG, just a few miles from where poor Amélie Delagrange was killed at Twickenham Green, was a sobering experience. A minute consolation was that Kerala were contacted early enough to spare them a wasted journey.

 

Injuries

Poor Ryon Derriman sustained the only serious injury to a Gent’s body if not self-esteem (damage to the collateral ligament on the finger), but it didn’t stop him taking three one-handed catches on tour. London Owls’ captain Ian Colley was badly injured in the field with a blow to the face, which caused the game to be abandoned, though he was back to his old self within weeks.

The 2004 BAMC

 

Three remarkably similar Gents’ scores of 151-8, 150-8 and 151-7 were not enough and West XI triumphed, narrowly in two cases but decisively enough in the second leg, 3-0, the second whitewash on the reel, though GWLCC is still inscribed eight times on the old trophy compared to seven for West XI. The Gents need to relax a little more in these games; eight run outs out of 25 wickets was a sorry statistic. The West London megarivals co-existed peaceably despite the best efforts of one or two mischievous troublemakers, of whom by no means all were Beggars. Sneering by the lower order of Beggar society at The Gents’ league and tour successes (and a smidgeon of post-Berkhamsted triumphalism) was unworthy but perhaps predictable, and will be remembered when they have to atone for their misdemeanours at a war crimes’ tribunal, but generally The Gents gave as good as they got. It was still 0-3 though. Some Gents, though perhaps not a majority any more, would happily swap fifteen victories against other opponents for two against West XI but you cannot judge a season on one series, other than to say that when The Gents played the very highest standard of opponent, as West XI certainly were in 2004, they were found slightly wanting. West XI would go on to score a mammoth 3,592 runs over the summer, and had their most effective side since the early 90’s. Two players scored over 500 runs, an amazing statistic at this level. A West XI side that looked very old at Gunnersbury Park in 2002 has, by a combination of monkey glands, anti-ageing cream and the signing up of Messrs. Bhatt and Vyas, raised the bar. They are a very good side indeed.

 

They commented on the Berkhamsted game with varying levels of insight, though we’ll forgive Andy Robinson, who was probably the most generous in his praise the last time The Gents beat West XI over a season, around the time of Elvis Presley’s first single as we recall:

An excellent game of cricket, in keeping with the Bob Ashton Cup spirit, competitive, hard fought, well balanced, exciting and with a nailbiting finish. We Westies look forward to playing The Gents above all others and the Bob Ashton Cup continues to be held in the highest esteem; it is most certainly the pinnacle of our season. Well played The Gents and we look forward to resuming the battle next season.

 

Given The Gents have lost 3-0 in consecutive seasons, wouldn’t it be kinder to give them a season off so they can regroup?

 

 

Regarding DB’s enthusiasm, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating wickets and Mr. Hill put him back in his box after he had jeered Ken Toft’s misfield. There was no harm done. Mr. Hill will remember a similar wigging administered to him, in error, by Mike Hughes at Boston Manor in 1995.

 

Controversy at Berkhamsted came with an off between Nabby Husain and Ling, culminating in the infamous beamer, eyeballing and a comment of either “Take that” or “Try hitting that,” depending on the witness you talk to. If it was a deliberate act by Nabby it was unacceptable, end of story. And fast bowlers usually reserve the eyeballing treatment for when they have just beaten the bat, not given away an aerial No-ball! The rumpus seems to have started when Ling, doing umpiring duties over at square-leg, declined a run out. No problem with that, the ump gives them as he sees them, but Ling perhaps did himself no favours by saying that “I have problems with my eyes.” Fantastic! Shades of Don Bradman’s spluttering “How dare you insult our umpire, he used to be a good player before his eyesight went.” Ling also asked what happened to respect for elders, perhaps forgetting that Dr. Shipman and Adolf Hitler, to name but two, did much of their best work after they were 50.

 

Further misfortune came after the match. As they have to miss church when playing cricket on Sundays, the more devout West XI players, notably S. Rennie, P. Walton and C. Wright, have taken to a period of happy clappy prayer, hymn singing and Bible study after the games. These Christian Society meetings are convened in Mr. Rennie’s van. This time, young Justin Norcott asked if he might join in and was warmly welcomed but found the fumes from the incense (very High Church, those Beggars) in a confined space a little too much, and was slightly past his best for the remainder of the evening.

One for the throw

 

Numbers

Later we salute longevity by publishing not only the 2004 averages but, at the request of Mr. Bignell, also the career statistics for The Gents squad, qualified by a suitable number of games played. Sanjay Patel is creeping towards club icon Mark Ashton in appearances, runs, wickets and catches, though is unlikely to be clear of his mentor for three years at least. Tony Buck has crashed the Top 10 wickets list, which will be headed by Stuart Snelling for many years. Stuart could not quite get his 1,000 Gents runs. He is on 982. Nor could Steve Bignell, bowled in the sixth over at Edmonton by Troy de Ruyter for a duck, to leave him on 991. Worryingly, West XI batsmen take three of the top five places in the career batting averages. Current players Andrew Burman and James Lewis figure proudly in the all-time worst batting averages, though Justin Norcott, career batting average 4.70 in his first season, has ascended into the list of proper batsmen who boast double-figure career averages. Another tremendous season of catching saw 66 taken and Sanjay Patel go clear second in the aggregate list. A total of 181 fellows have now played for The Gents, of whom six made their débuts in 2004. Fifty-nine played only once.

 

Windows technology certainly makes it easier to give you this stuff. In years past we had to rely on dear Nick Boddington’s Gents Database, which even his best friends would agree was an atrocity. Does anyone else remember Toddy’s 74 catches in a season?

 

Surbiton

There has been much talk about whether The Gents should continue to be based at Victoria RG. Such a decision is for the A.G.M. but in advance of that The Gent has decided to summarise the pros and cons of staying there. Doubtless there are others. A good old English compromise is a possible solution, perhaps with six games at Surbiton and an upgrade for four others, but it won’t be cheap.

 

 

Lord Aycliffe

 

Nobody expected to see Himself at Berkhamsted but he did not even go through the rigmarole this time of being 99% certain to pitch up prior to subsequent engagements kicking in. Has he given up entirely? Certainly no membership fee was forthcoming. If he has retired, then expect a bumper tribute to the man in a future edition. At the time of writing, there is great drama surrounding the imminent return of the Batsman of the Year trophy, which has been up there for several years. Mark is providing daily updates on the attempted purchase of bubble-wrap (the type he already has is “f***ing useless”) and Jiffy bags, with the aim of getting the silverware to Gent House by the time of the A.G.M., but the bookies usually get it right and their spread of June-July 2006 for the cup’s return looks fair.

 

Gents web-site

 

We have two offers from players to set up and run a GWLCC web-site. This will make it easier to distribute this pile of self-indulgent garbage for a start and should raise the club’s profile.

Sing something simple

 

Now look here, the “Cricket on the Hearth” poetry recital at Berkhamsted 2003 may have been a mistake, as Mr. Buck has pointed out almost weekly since, but sometimes you lot have to be dragged along kicking and screaming otherwise you wouldn’t get any culture at all. Right, you’re all fans of “Dad’s Army” but did you know that the boys released several singles in the 1970’s? Below are the words to the best of them. Be here advised that only your good behaviour at Berkhamsted spared you an “in character” recital of this ditty.

 

 

Toppermost of the poppermost

There must be a wealth of musical offshoots from popular comedians out there, so do write in and share. We’re not looking for ‘Granddad,’ though, as Clive Dunn looked just a little too stimulated with those young girls on “Top of the Pops” all those years ago and there are laws discouraging this sort of thing, or certainly used to be. We’d particularly like to hear from anyone who has a copy of Sid James’s “I fetched ’im one up the hooter” from about 1963, or perhaps Mr. Bignell has Max Miller ditty or two on a shellac 78 from the 30’s.

 

(Note for younger readers like Master Denton – old vinyl discs used to come in different dimensions; 7” 45rpm (singles), 12” 33 1/3rpm (long players or “LP’s”) with 10” long players and 12” singles coming along later.)

West XI v. Gents

 

Berkhamsted CC, Sunday, 12 September. Gents won toss. Showery, 20°

 

 

West XI won by 3 wickets

 

Gents run to the hills

 

A well-executed run chase saw West XI to their second successive 3-0 series win in a pulsating game played out latterly in gales and rain. After an opening stand of 52 in its way as good as the 66 smashed against Old Rutlishians, The Gents looked set for a sizeable score, but a middle-order slump and four run outs pegged them back. West XI struggled against good bowling early in their innings but accelerated at just the right time. The Gents dominated the first part of each innings but were unable to strike the killer blow when it really mattered – a major knock after Moon Cat’s dismissal, for example, or the early dismissal of Wright or Bhatt, which might have exposed a collapsible tail batting one man short, with the late withdrawal of Chairman Allerton.

 

The toss was redundant as Sanjay won it and batted. Wright would have fielded. Gents then admired a Moon Cat/Undertaker opening stand of great panache, full of meaty drives and hooks. Forty-eight runs came in 8 overs with Rich clubbing six fours and driving Ling for six over extra-cover. He was well supported by Buck but their dismissals heralded a tumble of Gent wickets, Dhruv chipping to cover, Sanjay bowled off his foot first ball – Neep’s third victim of a hostile spell – and Nabby foolishly run out, one of three such dismissals while Scibo was at the crease and one of four in all (and 8 in the series!). However, Scibo and Snarler, in his last West XI game for at least two years, repaired the damage with a stand of 47. From 103-5 off 20, The Gents, with some good batsmen down the order, had reasonable hopes of 170-180 but it was not to be, although HP and High Street added a decent 19. Still, Glass Half Full observers would say 157 is pretty good when No.s 3,4 and 5 fail.

 

The early dismissals of Bhav, brilliantly caught at slip, and Phil Walton, bowled leg-bail, gave The Gents real hope but Bignell and Wright dug in against some challenging bowling. West XI were 32-2 off 15 overs (The Gents had been 77-4) but with wickets in hand Beggars had no need to panic. The scoring rate rose inexorably though The Gents had their chances to dismiss Wright. He was dropped three times, twice in the over in which he finally perished for a sterling 57, including four fours and enormous straight sixes off Snarler and Scibo. By then the phlegmatic Stevie B was back in the hutch but a quick 32 from Neep with two fours and a six saw Beggars to the brink of victory. By now it was raining hard and almost dark, and Sanjay was sensibly bowling medium-pace off a short run. He deserved his two wickets but Hill and Ling saw West XI home, the latter surviving a nasty Nabby beamer. Having done so much right, The Gents were left wondering just what they have to do to beat this oppo – six losses on the bounce now, but West XI did play well, having the edge in fielding and running between the wickets, if not batting or bowling. It was a good game, all in all.

Salix v. Gents

 

GlaxoSmithKline Sports Club, Greenford, Sunday, 19 September. Salix won toss. Sunny, 18°

 

 

Gentlemen of West London won by 5 wickets

 

Gents ease to polite win

 

A mellow, sunny early autumn day, a delightful ground and the last game of the season, ingredients indeed for a longer than usual match report, though not one as timely as the generous hosts’, whose own version of events was up on their web-site by 10pm on the day of the match. The next few paragraphs will encompass a good game of cricket well won by The Gents against gracious opposition, some French history and possibly, courtesy of Mr. Bender, the finest example of the pot calling the kettle black since Joseph Stalin referred to Herr Hitler in a radio broadcast as a cannibal. The day was always going to go well once everyone had read the poster inside the Sports Club informing us that Ealing Council was “partnering” with the E.E.C. for a Safety Week, an added layer of security in these troubled times for which all are grateful.

 

Salix are a new Gent oppo and thanks are due to them for offering the fixture and to Maxie Haddow-Allen of St. Anne’s Allstars who kindly brokered it. Originally employees of Touche Ross they have been playing for a number of years, though the origins of their name are unclear. Royal accession in France was restricted to male heirs under Salic Law (Lex Salica or Law of the Salian Franks) which was issued around 509 in the reign of Clovis, founder of the Merovingian rule in Western Europe. It was reissued during the reign of Charlemagne (Carolingian) but was constantly being changed. Although in place, the law was not applied from the reign of Hugh Capet (who died in 996) until Philip IV (who died in 1314) as the Capetian dynasty provided sons as heirs to the throne. This changed in 1593 when Salic Law was invoked to stop Isabella, the Spanish infanta and granddaughter of Henry II of France, acceding to the throne. From then on, it was accepted as the law of the land, but it was not always quoted as reason for excluding females from the throne. Shakespeare referred to Salic Law in “Henry V.” So perhaps Salix disinherit bints but to be honest they did not seem a vengeful lot.

 

With the nights closing in, the organisers aimed for a 12.30pm start, which was not quite achieved, but as good as, and Salix batted without hesitation on what is usually a 200 wicket. This one was a bit spongy, however, and it was never easy to score runs. Snarler and Sanjay pinned down their openers until Spillane chanced the quick single once too often, several run out opportunities having been spurned, and Sanjay threw down the stumps at the striker’s end. It was good to see Wayne Thompson back after five weeks’ absence getting married. He pitched up in a retro USSR football shirt (the CCCP is Cyrillic boys, for SSSR), netted without gloves and off his usual short run gave Sanjay continued control. From the pavilion end Bill Flack had licence to toss the ball up and get wickets and my how he responded, only his second Gents game and his second four-for.

He had Rayner neatly caught HP off his glove, pinned Heaton lbw trying to sweep, tempted Cumming to chip to mid-on Sanjay first ball and had Kulasingam taken by Toft in the covers. Salix were struggling at 54-5 but skipper Shaw and Darling assertively took control in the best batting of the innings. Darling’s end was spectacular, Bill Flack taking a smart slip catch off Neepam Bhatt when the ball looked as if it had passed him. Buck then ended Shaw’s long vigil with his first ball, another good catch for High Street, his fifth of the season. An eloquent demonstration of the respect in which Mr. Snelling is held came with the dismissal of Fletcher, mid-off Neepam Bhatt diving forward to take a sizzling low catch. Many players would have been content to stop the four, or perhaps make a token effort to take the catch but Neepam knew this was Snarler’s last game until, at the earliest, 2007 and wanted to ensure he had his wicket. Snarler would claim another to wrap up the innings, sandwiching a Bhavesh Vyas run out, but Neepam was not to know that.

 

Mr. Bender, from another place, had by now turned up, looking fit and tanned, on his pushbike. He would have a busy Sunday, going for a sly half-time pint with Uncle Burman, bowling in the nets, doing a stint of umpiring and enjoying an hour or so’s post-match socialising before going off to play bridge in Ealing. What a trouper, though by the time he disappeared he had undone all this good work by accusing Burman of telling “stale jokes.” Flipping cheek! Most of his DB’s own repertoire was rejected by Mike and Bernie Winters for being too corny as far back as 1963, though a joke about women drivers survived into the first BBC series of Little and Large. Perhaps DB is losing his touch. He had several opportunities in the second innings to quip “Ah, I see Cumming is going back to his mark” but spurned them. At this level you simply have to take your chances.

 

Salix had declined to 110 all out. The Gents had taken six of the seven catches offered (Buck downed one, a brute), run out two batsmen with direct hits and used the conditions well. They now had not to panic and victory would be theirs. And that broadly speaking is what they did, although dear Bhav lost it totally, trying to hit every ball he faced for six before clubbing to deep mid-off for a hard-earned nought, his second in a fortnight. No matter, as two fine Snarler straight-drives gave The Gents a quick start – two wickets and double-figures with the bat, it was great to see and he expressed satisfaction at his day’s efforts after the game. Further joy came from High Street Ken’s innings. His cover-drive was working from the word go and his running between the wickets was as ever very good for not the youngest man in the team.

 

An unusual incident earned applause from The Gents. Mr. Flack gave High Street out lbw but the Salix team, after a brief team meeting, recalled him. This was one of the sadly few sporting moments of the summer, though Bill could argue that an imposed reversal of his decision transgressed his Human Rights as umpire. High Street and Justin then set about things for a few overs before both fell either side of drinks. This left The Gents with quite a bit of work to do and Moon Cat and Waynie responded terrifically, Mr. Gilkes continuing where he had left off against West XI and Mr. Thompson playing his shots all around the park. The returning Kulasingam got a deserved three-wicket haul by bowling Richard which gave HP a chance to be at the crease, in front of girlfriend Christine, as Waynie smote the winning boundary through mid-wicket with plenty of batting to come, including centurions at 10 and 11.

 

As it was the 60th. anniversary of the Battle of Arnhem, it would not have been right to miss out on the comfy Bridge Hotel, situated just five minutes away under a cheeky little underpass. This watering hole was particularly convenient as the game finished at 6 o’clock and the GSK club steward was NOT going to open the bar until seven. Some schismatic drinking, with the Ryder Cup spiriting away several players, then ensued before most of the team returned to GSK SC for some post-match nosh. And so another season, not without its challenges but a successful one withal, came to an end.

 

Oppo view – from the Salix web-site

It was an autumnal day as we convened at the unheard hour of noon for the last game of the season (well all except The German who was operating on European time). Cap’n Ben won the toss and put the Salixites into bat on a rather damp and dead, leaf-strewn, wicket. A bad choice as it turned out – the afternoon got windier and sunnier and the pitch dried out to favour the bowlers. But hey, are we weathermen? I don’t think so. And so commenced one of the lowest scoring games we have played for a long while.

 

Tight bowling and runs mainly in singles saw the team edge very slowly along. Cap’n Ben, opening, stayed around a while. The lower order had a thrash and alas poor Warwick, we knew him well, had a bit of shocker Golden. And so to tea, where young Ollie (3) and New Dom (104) shared a birthday cake as the Ryder Cup flickered on the screen. And then to bat with CK1 reminding us why he got the Bowling Excellence award and the rest of the bowlers being mean and on a line. But sadly 110 was not a defensible total and The Gents hit the winner with 7 overs to spare. And thus it was to the Bridge Hotel for a swifty (“They’re on me, lads,” cried New Dom as the Salixites collectively swooned). And so another summer finished as it started. Roll on 2005.

West London 2004 fixtures

 

 

Also played (1 game): D Bender 1/1/0/0, S Bignell 1/1/0/0 (2 ct.), P Hill 1/1/0/11, 8-2-14-1, S Jordan 1/1//0/0, F Khan 1/1/0/0, K Mitchell 1/1/0/6 (1 ct.), P Morrison 1/-/-/-, 3-0-17-1, C Naish 1/-/-/-, 0.2-0-4-1, I Richmond 1/-/-/-, V Sangaralingam 1/1/1/10, 8-0-42-2

Gents’ career averages